"Maybe," Hakkai grants, quietly. "But it wasn't the first time he's been responsible for the death of someone he loved, either. It's just... it just hurts. Regardless of how much anyone understands, it just hurts for a while.

"So I suppose what I'm saying is, you can ask him, but if he can't hear you yet it doesn't necessarily mean your apology wasn't good enough or he hates you in particular."

He glances up at Neal at last, letting the corner of his mouth tug wryly up in something a little like a smile. "Not any more than it means you really think I'm a murderous monster, just because you can't stop being on guard for the moment I'll lunge for your throat. Thank you for... being willing to understand why that stings. Not everyone would have listened."

He tips the used tea leaves out into their little jar, steam curling up from the tap as the sink water warms and his hands move automatically to wash the teapot clean. Over the rush of water, he adds, almost apologetically, "...When you threw up. It was because you don't like to see someone hurt, wasn't it? Not because Jedao bleeds black and won't die from a knife through his neck?"

Because it might help Jedao, to hear that Neal wasn't disgusted by his body, but Hakkai does want to make sure that's actually true, first. He's never quite sure about humans.