Almost somebody. Those words hit hard, in a particular soft spot he keeps for young cons and kids.
"It's not weird," Neal says, taking a sip of too-hot coffee. "Maybe you're chaotic, but you're also charismatic. Genuine. People get drawn to that."
A soft sound of amusement. "You've got genuine up on me. I'm horrified that these words are passing my lips, but when I was your age I was already lying for a living."
He flashes a wry smile at Neal. He doesn't know if he'd consider himself genuine, but it's a nice thought.
"Most jobs are all about lying anyway, right?" There's that Gen X cynicism. "I was probably lying, too, anyway. I mean, selling some... fantasy that wasn't real. I dunno. I just loved the feeling of everyone looking at me, listening to me, um... losing their minds over my music. Whole clubs full of people. They knew about the magic, like, I wasn't tricking anyone. It was part of the fun."
"I wouldn't say that. About most jobs." Neal turns his cup in increments on the table, studying Jeff and something past him at the same time. "Of course it depends on the type of job, and there will always be some smiling through your teeth on bad days... But I think 'fulfilling' is a job where you don't have to lie more days than you do."
He hesitates, then says, "Does it... do you ever do it on request, for people? Sing like that, with the magic?"
Neal grimaces, immediately ashamed of himself. Using his abilities here puts Jeff at risk. That release, that euphoria, it isn't worth getting someone hurt. "Forget I asked that. It's not important."
He gives a faint smile at the notion of fulfillment. That's what he's dedicated his short life to pursuing, after all. He played until his fingers hurt, and well past it. He skipped out on homework and studying and other unimportant bullshit to perform and make a name for his band. He dropped out of high school. He didn't even look at any colleges. He stayed up nights and worked days and kept going and going until people knew who he was.
He invited a demon into his head.
He'd give up his life if it meant sharing his music with the world. That's where the pursuit of a fulfilling career almost took him, and he's pretty sure he'd do it all over again, given the choice.
That's fucked up, right? He shouldn't feel that way. And he wonders if Neal's going through some similar mental hurdles, considering the question he asks, and how quickly he retracts it.
Still, Jeff barely even hesitates before he answers. "Yeah. I do-- or... or I did. Back home, all the time." Jeff hesitates before admitting, "It's not as easy here. It's all... I dunno, twisted--" Spinning, spiraling, coiling. "--and, um. Tangled. Magic's weird here."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"It's not weird," Neal says, taking a sip of too-hot coffee. "Maybe you're chaotic, but you're also charismatic. Genuine. People get drawn to that."
A soft sound of amusement. "You've got genuine up on me. I'm horrified that these words are passing my lips, but when I was your age I was already lying for a living."
no subject
"Most jobs are all about lying anyway, right?" There's that Gen X cynicism. "I was probably lying, too, anyway. I mean, selling some... fantasy that wasn't real. I dunno. I just loved the feeling of everyone looking at me, listening to me, um... losing their minds over my music. Whole clubs full of people. They knew about the magic, like, I wasn't tricking anyone. It was part of the fun."
no subject
He hesitates, then says, "Does it... do you ever do it on request, for people? Sing like that, with the magic?"
Neal grimaces, immediately ashamed of himself. Using his abilities here puts Jeff at risk. That release, that euphoria, it isn't worth getting someone hurt. "Forget I asked that. It's not important."
no subject
He invited a demon into his head.
He'd give up his life if it meant sharing his music with the world. That's where the pursuit of a fulfilling career almost took him, and he's pretty sure he'd do it all over again, given the choice.
That's fucked up, right? He shouldn't feel that way. And he wonders if Neal's going through some similar mental hurdles, considering the question he asks, and how quickly he retracts it.
Still, Jeff barely even hesitates before he answers. "Yeah. I do-- or... or I did. Back home, all the time." Jeff hesitates before admitting, "It's not as easy here. It's all... I dunno, twisted--" Spinning, spiraling, coiling. "--and, um. Tangled. Magic's weird here."