TRAUMABEANS AU

[conning]

boop

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[abrightboy]

Malcolm hasn’t fallen asleep. He’s thinking about the case. Alessa. Christine. A chance to steal the baby not taken. There’s a piece missing. He’s missing something.

He realizes Neal is stirring. He rubs his hand on Neal’s arm.

“Neal? Neal, wake up.”

[conning]

He gives a sharp little exhale in his sleep, a panicked un-noise. Raylan isn't the only one in the dream any more. Others, some half-eaten by shadows, some practically untouched, have started to walk out from between the houses. Doc, Daisy, Athena. Neal keeps backing away. Calls their names. Begs them to stop, or go away, or say something.

Finally he turns to run.

Malcolm stands in arm's reach of him, face practically eaten away, but Neal would know that voice in any world.

"What's wrong? We missed you."

Neal screams himself awake.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm, startled, holds on to him tightly. He doesn’t know what else to do; he’s not usually on this side of the screaming.

[conning]

Neal fights him for a moment, fights the familiarity of Malcolm's arm, sobbing until he's out of breath--

Then he starts to realize where he is. He looks around the room like he's never seen it before, and then his focus falls on Malcolm. Whole, healthy.

This one, at least.

Neal shudders and wraps his arms around the other man, pressing his face into the curve of Malcolm's neck. He's still crying.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm just clings to him, trembling. Is this what it’s like for Neal. Does he wonder whether Malcolm will come out of it every night.

“It’s okay,” he says, because it is, now that Neal is back. “It’s okay now. You’re home.”

[conning]

"They were sick, or... I don't know. I don't know." He doesn't feel okay. He feels like he's going to throw up. "It was like they weren't there, almost, but they were."

[abrightboy]

“You weren’t there,” Malcolm reminds him softly. “It was a nightmare.”

[conning]

It takes a moment for that to register.

“Right,” Neal whispers, “you’re right. It just. Felt… real.”

[abrightboy]

“I know,” Malcolm whispers. “I know. But focus on your breath and on my heartbeat.”

[conning]

Neal nods silently, closing his eyes again and shifting to rest his head against Malcolm’s chest. Listen to his heartbeat, his very alive heartbeat. Neal breathes along with him without really meaning to.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “That hasn’t happened in a while.”

[abrightboy]

“You’re apologizing to me? My nightmares are so disruptive, I have to strap myself to the bed and I might still hurt you.”

[conning]

Neal’s little laugh is strained. “Exactly. You don’t need me making things worse.”

[abrightboy]

“You make everything better. Everything. Never think otherwise,” Malcolm tells him.

[conning]

Neal squeezes his eyes shut, wondering how many other people would believe that.

“I love you,” he mumbles. “I love you.”

[abrightboy]

“See? You’re making my whole life better again, just like that,” Malcolm murmurs, kissing his hair.

[conning]

Neal half-laughs, though it sounds more like crying. He turns his head to press his face against Malcolm's chest, kissing him there. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm huffs a laugh. "No, no. If I'm not screaming, I'm probably not sleeping," he says, carding his fingers through Neal's hair. "But, no. Really. I wasn't asleep; I was thinking about the case."

[conning]

"Talk to me about it," Neal says tracing a fingertip across Malcolm's abdomen scar.

[abrightboy]

“I just… feel like there’s a piece missing. Something I’m not seeing. Like if one more piece were slotted in, I could see the picture, you know? But I’ve racked my brain and I just can’t figure it out,” Malcolm explains.

[conning]

“Why she didn’t take Nina and run,” Neal guesses, soft-voiced.

[abrightboy]

"Yeah. And if that was never her intention... then why did she run when we questioned Alessa about her? I feel like she's an important piece of this puzzle but we don't know enough about her yet. Maybe when Dani and JT turn up more about her, we'll get a clearer picture," Malcolm muses.

[conning]

Neal thinks in silence for almost a full minute, tracing aimless patterns on Malcolm's skin with his fingertips.

"People run because they got caught or because they're trying not to. It's always one of those things."

[abrightboy]

“But what if the thing she’s running to or away from isn’t what we think?” Malcolm asks rhetorically.

[conning]

"She knows who killed him," Neal says, confident in the conclusion without really having more than instinct to back it up. "She knows, and they scare her enough for her to disappear in the middle of the night."

A pause, then, "If it was me... If it was me, it would be someone I ran away from in the first place."

[abrightboy]

“So we need to know where she came from. They’re running a background check on her. I guess we sit tight and find out,” Malcolm sighs.