You're not the only one who hates being talked down to, Neal. At least now we can speak plainly.
I won't get him demoted. And I'm definitely not going to 'drag him down.' [ He sounds annoyed with that phrase. ] All I want is for him to not be scared of himself anymore.
You were trying to lecture me about what wardens are like, when you really wanted to tell me not to 'ruin' yours. I skipped us forward to that part.
Malcolm shoves away the parts of himself that he hates, that scare him. I deeply understand that. He doesn't have to 'break the rules' like I have to acknowledge, understand, maybe even embrace those parts. I don't want him running from this unknown internal threat forever.
I don’t give a shit what other wardens are like. I give a shit that mine takes some pride in the title. Maybe listen to what I actually say instead of projecting what you think I will. Or, I don’t know, ask.
Is that what you call murder? Breaking the rules?
[He takes a moment to gather himself, just a half-second’s breath.] You know what, I don’t give a shit about that either. That’s between you and Shaw.
Now please listen to the actual words I’m saying:
If you hurt Malcolm, irrespective of his position or the blow it would be to him to lose it, I will make you wish you could die for keeps.
I don’t want him to be afraid of himself. I do want him to be happy. If we can keep ourselves aligned there, then the rest of it doesn’t matter.
[ Will rolls his eyes hard at the first bit, but thankfully this is on audio. And then Neal directs them onto something different, something they might actually agree on. Will is quiet for a moment as he gathers his words. ]
That's what I want, too. I want Malcolm to be happy.
Really wish I could make the same threat to you. But the fact that you're Malcolm's inmate means you get a pass on being awful to him sometimes.
[He knows as he says it he’s going to wish he hadnt, but he does it anyway. He also already knows the one large way in which he was awful and he still can’t bring himself to fully regret it. He doesn’t know how much Will knows, beyond the existence of a thwarted crush and the assumptive fallout.
He massages the bridge of his nose, unaware of the shared gladness that this is audio.]
He's still reeling from when you came back from your world, you know? I can't convince him to go back to his office. But that's...his doubts had been building, and I don't know what you went through back there. It was truly awful timing, probably for both of you.
But that's the job he signed up for. So he has to figure out how to work with you again, even if he thinks he's only been hurting you up till now. Even if he doesn't think he can do it.
[A knot in his chest relaxes when there's nothing specifically targeted. It doesn't make him feel better entirely. He still doesn't like the idea of Will knowing about him, of Malcolm confiding in him about the two of them.]
I told him he hasn't. He didn't wreck me or ruin our... [Whatever the hell you call the warden inmate thing.] ...partnership.
[He can't keep the quiet frustration out of his voice, the edge of sorrow in it. Pls excuse as he quickly, instinctively gets that in check.]
I do think he would be a good counselor. He has been, until he stopped listening to me.
[Which started, he realizes, when Lestat fed on Neal that first time.
Goddamnit.]
Look, I want to go see how he's doing. Are we finished?
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I won't get him demoted. And I'm definitely not going to 'drag him down.' [ He sounds annoyed with that phrase. ] All I want is for him to not be scared of himself anymore.
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[He’s perversely glad to hear the annoyance.]
What does that mean for him in your mind, him not being scared any more?
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Malcolm shoves away the parts of himself that he hates, that scare him. I deeply understand that. He doesn't have to 'break the rules' like I have to acknowledge, understand, maybe even embrace those parts. I don't want him running from this unknown internal threat forever.
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Is that what you call murder? Breaking the rules?
[He takes a moment to gather himself, just a half-second’s breath.] You know what, I don’t give a shit about that either. That’s between you and Shaw.
Now please listen to the actual words I’m saying:
If you hurt Malcolm, irrespective of his position or the blow it would be to him to lose it, I will make you wish you could die for keeps.
I don’t want him to be afraid of himself. I do want him to be happy. If we can keep ourselves aligned there, then the rest of it doesn’t matter.
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And then Neal directs them onto something different, something they might actually agree on. Will is quiet for a moment as he gathers his words. ]
That's what I want, too. I want Malcolm to be happy.
Really wish I could make the same threat to you. But the fact that you're Malcolm's inmate means you get a pass on being awful to him sometimes.
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[He knows as he says it he’s going to wish he hadnt, but he does it anyway. He also already knows the one large way in which he was awful and he still can’t bring himself to fully regret it. He doesn’t know how much Will knows, beyond the existence of a thwarted crush and the assumptive fallout.
He massages the bridge of his nose, unaware of the shared gladness that this is audio.]
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He's still reeling from when you came back from your world, you know? I can't convince him to go back to his office. But that's...his doubts had been building, and I don't know what you went through back there. It was truly awful timing, probably for both of you.
But that's the job he signed up for. So he has to figure out how to work with you again, even if he thinks he's only been hurting you up till now. Even if he doesn't think he can do it.
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I told him he hasn't. He didn't wreck me or ruin our... [Whatever the hell you call the warden inmate thing.] ...partnership.
[He can't keep the quiet frustration out of his voice, the edge of sorrow in it. Pls excuse as he quickly, instinctively gets that in check.]
I do think he would be a good counselor. He has been, until he stopped listening to me.
[Which started, he realizes, when Lestat fed on Neal that first time.
Goddamnit.]
Look, I want to go see how he's doing. Are we finished?
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Yes, I think we're finished. And- thanks for the talk.
[ He's a little surprised by the appreciation, himself. But Neal listened and that counts for something. ]