TRAUMABEANS AU

[conning]

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[conning]

Neal twitches in slight surprise, looking at Malcolm in confusion for a moment before the question parses itself out in his head. "What? No! No."

He takes Malcolm's hand lightly. "Just. Had a dream I can't shake."

[abrightboy]

That's a relief. He was worried his hesitance would be a deal breaker. Neal's a natural with them.

"What was it about?" he asks gently.

[conning]

He turns his attention back to the coffee, just to have something to look at. Somewhere to rest his eyes while he remembers. "Mathias. It was sunny, warm, almost like summer, but it was empty. Even more empty."

His grip on Malcolm's hand tightens a little. "I can't explain why it was wrong. It was always quiet there, always had that... vacancy, but it was like..."

It was worse. Somehow it was worse. He draws in a breath. "I saw Raylan walking toward me, and he was shedding shadows. I only saw him for a second before you woke me up, but I can't stop thinking about it."

[abrightboy]

“Is it because we were talking about Raylan? If he comes across as a sinister figure in your dream, is it because you feel threatened by him somehow?” Malcolm asks.

[conning]

Neal frowns, brow creasing. "I don't know. Maybe? It wasn't just his presence though, it..."

He shudders lightly. "It felt real. For a second I thought I was back there."

[abrightboy]

"Minor psychoses are common side effects of unprocessed or protracted trauma," Malcolm assures him sympathetically. "Do you want me to set you up with my therapist?"

[conning]

Neal shakes his head silently. He's still not ready for that. He probably should try, but he really doesn't want to.

[abrightboy]

"Well, when it happens... you can talk to me," Malcolm offers.

[conning]

Neal manages a tiny smile in Malcolm’s direction, but JT draws his attention as he, Dani, and Gil all converge on the coffee station.

“You’re going to love this,” JT says. “Our vic withdrew a hefty stack of cash from the bank about a week and a half ago.”

[abrightboy]

Malcolm raises his eyebrows. “Blackmail?” He gestures for Neal to join him in heading towards the door. “I need to talk to Alessa,” he tells them.

“Now? It’s almost ten o’clock,” Dani protests.

Malcolm pauses at the door and half turns to answer. “Her baby feeds every two hours and her husband was just murdered. She’s up.”

[conning]

Neal goes with him, of course. Gil sends Dani along with them, but the interview is interrupted by the near-theft of Nina.

When they see the au pair on the camera, starting to pick up Nina, Neal’s heart hits his throat.

He’s running for the stairs as Alessa says, “She’s stealing my baby!”

[abrightboy]

Neal’s legs are longer, but Malcolm sprints into the room not far behind him. The window is open. No. No.

Then there’s a noise. The quiet, unmistakable babble of a baby from the bassinet beside the window.

[conning]

Neal darts over, scooping Nina up very gently and holding her close, like somehow that will make the attempted theft less horrifying. He backs away from the window, looking at Malcolm.

“Why would she do that?” It’s quietly horrified. “Why would she try to do that?”

Alessa sweeps into the room, and Neal gently hands Nina over.

[abrightboy]

“Maybe she got into nannying in the first place to steal a baby,” Malcolm suggests. “We’ll dig into her tomorrow. I need to know more.”

[conning]

Neal rubs his face with both hands, feeling wrung out.

“Can we go home?” It’s very quiet, meant just for Malcolm. “Please? Your place or my place, I don’t really care, just… home.”

[abrightboy]

“Yeah,” Malcolm agrees. “It’s time to go home.”

He tells Dani they’ll see her tomorrow, then hails a cab, giving them Neal’s address.

“We don’t need to start super early tomorrow,” he explains as they climb the stairs. “We have to wait for the background check anyway.”

[conning]

Neal nods, relieved, hoping for a slow morning of curling around each other in bed until the bathroom or breakfast calls too strongly to ignore. He locks and chains the door as soon as they’re inside, coming over to Malcolm again and wrapping him up in a hug that’s almost like a kid snuggling a teddy bear.

“We’re okay, right?” It’s murmured against Malcolm’s hair. “We’ll be okay.”

He shivers. “I feel like something horrible is going to happen and I don’t know what.”

[abrightboy]

“We’re okay. I mean. I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you’re asking,” Malcolm tells him, hands grasping Neal’s shirt at his ribs. “That feeling of foreboding is common after trauma, too. You should talk to someone, but I’m not going to make you. It won’t help if you’re not ready to try to process it.”

[conning]

Neal shivers, mumbling into Malcolm's shoulder. "They won't believe it anyway."

[abrightboy]

"There's no other explanation," Malcolm points out. "But that's not even the point. It's about what hurt you, not whether they think that it should have."

[conning]

Neal holds on a little tighter, not sure how to articulate his fear of being disbelieved. It is the point, it’s the whole point.

“You really think your therapist would… be all right? For this?”

[abrightboy]

“I was catatonic when I first went to her,” Malcolm confesses. “She’s helped me a lot.”

[conning]

Neal draws back, running his hands down Malcolm's sides to rest on his hips. He looks down between them, then at Malcolm's face.

"You think I should do it."

It's not really a question.

[abrightboy]

“I don’t want to tell you what to do, I just want you to feel better than this,” Malcolm responds softly.

[conning]

Neal bites his lip. "What if..."

He closes his eyes, giving a breathy little laugh, trying to play it off. "I don't want to get locked up again for new and exciting reasons."