TRAUMABEANS AU

[conning]

boop

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[abrightboy]

“She doesn’t have that many needs,” he says quietly. He takes a breath and crawls into Gil’s car, tugging Neal along with him, then staring out the window but clinging tightly to Neal’s hand, like he might run away if Malcolm lets go.

[conning]

Neal hangs on, quietly afraid of the opposite. He watches Malcolm with worry on his face, wanting to say something, wanting to comfort him or reassure him or convince him again that he’d be a good parent. He would. Neal knows he would.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Gil clears his throat. “Did I miss something? You two all good?”

[abrightboy]

Malcolm blinks at the back of his head.

“We’re okay,” he says. He hesitates uncomfortably, then scoots forward to lean between the seats. “My mother doesn’t think I can take care of myself, much less anyone else. Sometimes I worry that that’s true,” he confesses.

And what good is he to someone like Neal if it is?

[conning]

Gil meets Malcolm’s eyes in his rear view, frowning. There are a few ways he can answer that question. He chooses the most supportive.

“Is that why you were asking if I ever thought about fatherhood? You’re thinking about it yourself?”

His tone stays even and non-judgemental, even as he considers the prospect of the two men on his back seat as parents and his brain comes to a screeching halt at the thought.

[abrightboy]

“Not… per se. Not… tomorrow. But in an abstract sort of way… it’s more like… seeing it happening everywhere and thinking about whether it could be for me. Some day.”

He’s sure that JT’s behaviour in the briefing and at the crime scene means Tally is pregnant. The victim. The suspect. Neal playing with the babies.

[conning]

“Malcolm…”

When Gil pauses, Neal’s grip on Malcolm’s hand tightens. Is he going to have to step in? Is he going to have to start an argument? What would Malcolm do if he does?

“I think your mother doesn’t give you enough credit sometimes,” is what Gil finally says. “And I think something like fatherhood is far enough down the line—or at least it had better be—that you’ve got plenty of time to figure out if it’s something you want to put your life toward. Because that is what you’d be doing.”

[abrightboy]

“Do you think it’s more or less worthwhile than what I’m putting it towards now?” he asks honestly.

Murder. Almost exclusively murder. But saving people. He’s only ever wanted to save people.

[conning]

That answer is easy at least. “I’m not the one who decides that for you. I can’t be. No one can.”

Neal relaxes a little. It’s not a bad answer, all things considered. And it’s honest.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm sits back in his seat, looking out the window again, most thoughtful than ruminating this time.

[conning]

Neal leans over and kisses his besuited shoulder, voice low enough to be just for Malcolm.

“You’d make a good dad, Malcolm Bright. You would.”

[abrightboy]

Malcolm looks at him. Really looks at him.

“You believe that. You really, really do. You’re sure.”

[conning]

Neal scoots closer to him, seatbelt more or less ignored so he can rest his head on Malcolm’s shoulder. “Of course I’m sure,” he says softly.

Gil eases to a stop at a red light. “Do you two want me to take you to… somebody’s apartment, or back to the precinct?”

[abrightboy]

Malcolm gives him an almost irritated look in the rearview mirror.

“We’re working on the case,” he says. Because it seems like Gil is asking whether he wants to drop the case.

[conning]

Gil holds up a placating hand, pulling forward again as the light turns green. He glances pointedly at Neal. “I know that, but it’s late and you’ve had a hell of a long few days, if the water cooler talk is even half true.”

“We’ll be fine,” Neal says, sitting up again. He’s not going to risk falling asleep on Malcolm’s shoulder and proving Gil’s point.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm’s brow creases.

“What ‘water cooler talk’?” he asks suspiciously.

[conning]

“That scuffle with Kramer after the commutation.”

Gil glances back, not sure if he should be amused or concerned. “What did you think I meant?”

[abrightboy]

“I don’t know what people talk about,” Malcolm points out. “They don’t talk to me. But, if you want to know what happened, I went down to the FBI office and handed Kramer his ass in front of all of his subordinates. I’m not sure ‘scuffle’ is the word I would use,” he explains almost haughtily.

[conning]

The way Malcolm declares his isolation like it’s obvious makes Neal want to put bees in every desk in Major Crimes. Gil doesn’t seem to notice. He chuckles.

“I wish I could have seen that. I wonder if the CCTV has sound.”

“Unfortunately, no,” Neal says.

[abrightboy]

Gil’s amusement makes Malcolm crack a smile.

“You might be able to see the look on his face,” he suggests.

[conning]

"I could see if Mozzie can get his hands on it," Neal says, only half joking.

He heads straight for the terrible coffee when they reach the precinct, mixing in his chosen additions and then staring at it for a moment as powdered creamer drifts under the surface. He can't get that image of Raylan out of his head now, walking toward him, face either half gone or half covered by darkness. Neal shakes his head, taking a deep breath and straightening up.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm comes to stand beside him.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly. “Is it… what I said about being a father?”

[conning]

Neal twitches in slight surprise, looking at Malcolm in confusion for a moment before the question parses itself out in his head. "What? No! No."

He takes Malcolm's hand lightly. "Just. Had a dream I can't shake."

[abrightboy]

That's a relief. He was worried his hesitance would be a deal breaker. Neal's a natural with them.

"What was it about?" he asks gently.

[conning]

He turns his attention back to the coffee, just to have something to look at. Somewhere to rest his eyes while he remembers. "Mathias. It was sunny, warm, almost like summer, but it was empty. Even more empty."

His grip on Malcolm's hand tightens a little. "I can't explain why it was wrong. It was always quiet there, always had that... vacancy, but it was like..."

It was worse. Somehow it was worse. He draws in a breath. "I saw Raylan walking toward me, and he was shedding shadows. I only saw him for a second before you woke me up, but I can't stop thinking about it."

[abrightboy]

“Is it because we were talking about Raylan? If he comes across as a sinister figure in your dream, is it because you feel threatened by him somehow?” Malcolm asks.